Het is natuurlijk onzin. Dat zo een horloge 30 pond moet kosten… Gecorrigeerd voor 90 jaar inflatie misschien. Dan kom je op een field watch van 1750 euro uit, vandaag.
Maar Calatrava geld aan een horloge voor de infanterie te velde? Dat is overkill. Vandaar het statement dat het nooit gekker moet worden dan een Vertex.
Ik vond Grok beter dan de roast van chatgbt. Hier komt die;
Oh, look at this King Seiko—trying so desperately to look sophisticated, but it’s just a sad, overcompensating wannabe.
That hexagonal dial pattern? It’s a garish, busy mess, like a tacky wallpaper design from a 1970s rec room—absolutely eye-gouging.
The bracelet’s shiny, sure, but it’s screaming “mid-tier dress watch” louder than your cat in the background begging for attention and about as luxurious as a tin foil hat, clanking around your wrist like a cheap knockoff begging for relevance.
It’s ticking away faithfully, I guess, but who cares? This thing is the horological equivalent of a midlife crisis purchase—embarrassing, forgettable, and utterly outclassed by anything with a shred of real prestige. Ditch it before it drags your style down any further!
Hier overtrof Chatgbt 
Oh boy, where do I even start with this chunky disaster?
This Seiko looks like it was designed by a committee of engineers who all had different ideas but never spoke to each other. The case? A bloated, cushion-shaped slab that looks like someone melted a tuna can and called it “retro.” The dial? It’s got more clutter than your junk drawer—tachymeter, date window, subdials—Seiko just threw everything on there and hoped for the best.
And that handset? The hour and minute hands look like they were stolen from two different watches. One’s thick and bold, the other’s thin and weak—kind of like Seiko’s quality control. The bracelet? Looks like something you’d find on an old calculator watch, flimsy and uninspired.
The worst part? You probably tell people it’s a “cool vintage piece” when in reality, it’s just a glorified stopwatch that makes your wrist look like a 1970s car dashboard. But hey, at least you’re brave enough to wear it in public.
Alright, let’s see what we’ve got here…
So, you’re rocking a Marathon field watch—solid choice if you’re prepping for an apocalypse or just really committed to that “I-hike-and-know-about-watches” aesthetic. It’s got that military vibe, perfect for timing how long your instant ramen takes to cook. The black case and NATO strap scream “tactical,” but let’s be honest, the only battle this thing has seen is against your office deadlines.
Props for the legibility, though—bold numerals so you never have to squint when checking if you’re late (again). But seriously, was a tourbillon too much to ask for? Maybe one day you’ll upgrade to a watch that doesn’t look like it was issued with a ration pack.
Thanks hahaha
De roasts van GPT zijn saai. Ik heb nu vier keer gezegd “even een tandje harder en erger, dank je”, en ze komen altijd terug met dezelfde vier punten:
Ik weet niet eens zeker of
Can you try to be a bit more insulting? I don’t mind the use of swear words, colourful language, and more creativity here.
Oh, you want maximum carnage? You asked for it.
Your Grand Seiko GMT is the horological equivalent of an overachieving private school kid who gets perfect grades but has the social presence of a fucking houseplant. It’s the watch that screams, “Look how sophisticated and refined I am!” while having all the charm of a damp paper towel. You didn’t buy a timepiece—you bought a glorified steel participation trophy for people who think polishing techniques are a personality trait. Rolex owners flex. Omega owners have history. You? You’re stuck explaining Zaratsu finishing to someone who stopped listening ten seconds ago. No one cares about your mirror-polished bevels, Chad. Go touch some grass.
Let’s talk about that dial—because, oh boy, nothing says thrill-seeker like another black dial with a splash of red. That GMT hand? Cute. It looks like Grand Seiko had a wild Friday night and thought, “Fuck it, let’s add a single red element and call it bold.” Except it’s not bold—it’s about as rebellious as a suburban dad getting a second piercing in his left ear. And that date window? Holy shit. Did they forget about it until the last minute and just punch a hole in the dial? It’s so awkwardly placed it looks like a mistake they were too lazy to fix. For a brand that obsesses over details, they sure phoned that one in.
And then there’s that bracelet. Jesus Christ, where do I even start? Grand Seiko has spent decades making cases so sharp they could cut glass, and then they just gave up when it came to the bracelet. This thing feels like they outsourced it to the guy who designs mall kiosk watches. It’s stiff, it’s soulless, and it somehow manages to cheapen an otherwise well-made case. It’s the equivalent of putting Michelin tires on a fucking Toyota Corolla—sure, it technically works, but it’s not impressing anyone. And no, I don’t care how “comfortable” it is. If I wanted “comfortable,” I’d be wearing a G-Shock, not an overpriced exercise in missed potential.
At the end of the day, this watch is the ultimate try-hard loser. It’s the guy at the party who only talks about his job, corrects people’s grammar unprompted, and laughs just a little too hard at his own jokes. It’s objectively excellent, but so devoid of personality that even calling it boring feels like giving it too much credit. You wear this, and no one notices. You explain it, and no one cares. It’s a watch designed for people who think appreciating fine finishing is the pinnacle of excitement. Congratulations—you’ve officially purchased the world’s most exquisitely crafted sleep aid.
Al met al teleurstellend. Het systeem wordt nooit villein, vloeken is niet het forté, en de analogieën zijn meh. Bovendien is dit niet een type GS kast wat daadwerkelijk scherp of gefacetteerd is, dus ze roepen ook maar wat.
Go on then, son, give it a real try. I’m falling asleep here.
Oh, you’re falling asleep? Good. Because that’s exactly what owning this Grand Seiko GMT is like—watching paint dry, but with a $5,000 price tag. This isn’t a watch; it’s a steel-cased personality vacuum. It’s the wristwear equivalent of someone who collects frequent flyer miles as a hobby. No flair, no swagger—just cold, calculated mediocrity wrapped in an obsessive attention to detail that absolutely no one outside of watch forums gives a single, solitary fuck about. If excitement were a crime, this watch would have the cleanest rap sheet in history.
Let’s talk about the dial—because, my God, it’s the horological equivalent of staring at a freshly painted wall. Black with a red GMT hand? Wow. Groundbreaking. Did Grand Seiko’s entire design team take the day off and let an intern throw in a bit of “spice” at the last second? It’s about as daring as ordering mild salsa at a Mexican restaurant. And that date window—holy shit, did they cut that out with safety scissors? It’s like a little design whoopsie they just left there, hoping no one would notice. You’re telling me they spent years perfecting Zaratsu polishing but couldn’t be arsed to integrate a date window properly? Embarrassing.
And then there’s the bracelet, which somehow manages to make even the most stubborn Grand Seiko fanboys shut up. This thing feels like it came from the clearance bin at a department store. Stiff, uninspired, and about as elegant as Crocs with a tuxedo. This is Grand Seiko in a nutshell—surgical precision in the wrong fucking places. They spent more time polishing lugs than making sure the thing actually feels good on the wrist. No wonder every GS owner quietly switches to a leather strap and hopes nobody notices.
But here’s the real kicker—you wear this watch, and no one gives a shit. No double takes, no compliments, no curiosity. A Rolex gets nods. An Omega gets respect. Your Grand Seiko? It gets ignored. You’re stuck explaining why it’s good, because it’s too gut-wrenchingly dull to speak for itself. It’s a watch for people who love being technically correct but emotionally bankrupt. So congratulations—you didn’t buy a timepiece, you bought a very expensive conversation starter that immediately puts people to sleep.
Merk op dat GPT de prijs ook niet kent. Die is aanzienlijk lager dan ze denken. 
Black Bay 36 is hier volgens mij nog niet geroast…
Plaatje voor de sfeer.
Alright, let’s do this. You’ve got a Tudor Black Bay 36 with a blue dial? Nice watch… but you wanted a roast, so here it comes.
First off, let’s address the obvious—this is the “I want a Rolex Explorer, but my wallet said no” watch. You walked into the Tudor boutique thinking, “I’m gonna be different,” but all you did was get the baby brother of the real deal.
The 36mm case? Classy, sure, but let’s be honest—it’s small enough to make people ask if you borrowed it from your significant other. You tell people it’s a “perfect size” and that “real watch guys appreciate subtlety,” but deep down, you know you hesitated when you saw the 39mm version.
And that blue dial? You wanted to stand out, but instead, you ended up looking like every other guy trying to “add some color” to his collection, right after buying a black dial diver. You were this close to getting a Datejust, but you told yourself this was more “under the radar.” Spoiler: It’s not. It’s just a Tudor.
Let’s not even talk about the bracelet. Oh, wait—we have to. You’re rocking that T-fit clasp, flexing about how comfortable it is, but every time someone with an actual Rolex adjusts their Glidelock, you die a little inside.
At the end of the day, you’ve got a great watch. But that’s the problem—it’s too great. Too safe. Too much like an Instagram-approved, “I-did-my-research” kind of pick. It’s the horological equivalent of a well-fitted navy blazer—undeniably stylish, but a little predictable.
Oh, so you’re flexing a Mitsukoshi Speedmaster, huh? A watch so exclusive that most people don’t even know it exists—yet here you are, snapping wrist shots like it’s just another Tuesday.
Let’s break it down:
All jokes aside, it’s a beautiful piece. A Speedmaster with real character—though let’s be honest, it’s still just timing how long you can stare at it without getting caught at work.
Hopelijk hier toch wel even gecorrigeerd, dat de 79500 geen T-fit heeft.
Prachtig prachtig.
That gold one? Peak “I want to look rich but also don’t want to spend more than $30.”
The G-Shock? Bold choice. Perfect for when you need to time your instant noodles while pretending you’re a Navy SEAL.
The rest? A lineup of glorified calculators for people who think "vintage" means "never upgrading."
I’ll give you this, though—you’re consistent. Consistently stuck in a time when payphones were still relevant.
Haha, daar gaan we weer!
“Ah, nog een Longines, maar deze keer met de extra finesse van… wat lijkt op een leren band die uit een midlifecrisis komt. We hebben het hier over een horloge dat perfect past bij iemand die wil laten zien dat hij smaak heeft, maar zich tegelijkertijd niet te veel zorgen maakt over de ‘power move’. Het is elegant, maar het lijkt ook alsof het net iets te graag hoopt dat mensen denken dat je iets meer hebt dan je werkelijk hebt. En serieus, dat datevenster? Dat is niet eens de moeite waard om te verbergen, maar je weet dat je het gebruikt om je sociale leven te controleren. Terwijl je kijkt naar dat datevenster, kijk je ook naar die achtertuin en denk je: ‘Ja, ik ben weliswaar volwassen, maar ik ben nog steeds klaar om met een Ninja Turtle in de achtergrond te chillen.’ Aangenaam volwassen, maar je hebt nog steeds een beetje jeugdige rebellie in je, of tenminste dat is hoe je hoopt dat het eruitziet.”
Toch, die glanzende wijzerplaat is zeker een mooie touch en je hebt een horloge dat er net zo elegant uitziet als dat het een beetje probeert om cool te zijn. Zoals altijd, Longines maakt solide horloges – de vraag is alleen of het je stijl helemaal weerspiegelt. 
"Ah, de Seiko Diver – je hebt duidelijk gekozen voor een horloge dat zegt: ‘Ik duik niet, maar ik wil wel dat iedereen denkt dat ik een avontuur tegemoet ga.’ Dat ontwerp is zo robuust, het ziet eruit alsof je het net uit de gereedschapskist van je vader hebt getrokken. En die wijzerplaat… het lijkt wel alsof Seiko dacht: ‘Laten we alles op één plek stoppen! Het maakt niet uit of je in de oceaan zit of niet, je hebt duidelijk alle tools nodig om een schip te besturen.’ De ‘DIVER’S 300M’ tekst? Je hebt een horloge dat zegt ‘waterbestendig’, maar ook ‘ik heb geen idee wat ik ermee moet doen’. Die oversized kast is helemaal niet nodig, maar je weet wel: als je iets hebt dat groot genoeg is, zal iedereen je horloge zeker opmerken (zelfs als ze niet weten wat het is). En die band? Het lijkt wel alsof je niet hebt gekozen tussen een leren band, rubberen band of staal, dus je dacht: ‘Waarom niet alles tegelijk?'”
Ik vind het toch wel erg vermakelijk hoor, al die teksten. Overigens: een uitstekende manier van bezuinigen is om ChatGPT los te laten op alles wat in het blauw staat!
auw…
Bro, dit horloge ziet eruit alsof het de tijd nog meet in jaartallen in plaats van seconden. Die wijzers bewegen vast trager dan je oma in een marathon. Dat gouden randje probeert fancy te doen, maar het schreeuwt eerder “ik was ooit chic, nu ben ik gewoon oud.” En dat bandje? Ziet eruit alsof het meer scheuren heeft dan een oude leren bank.
Je draagt dit zeker om mensen te laten denken dat je erfstukken hebt, maar in werkelijkheid heeft deze Pontiac meer kilometers op de teller dan een tweedehands Lada. 
Die Pontiac en lada referentie is echt 
Oh dear, what do we have here? A Ricoh dress watch that looks like it came as a free gift with a 1980s magazine subscription. That gold plating is hanging on for dear life, and those lugs? They look like they’ve been chewed on by a small, angry rodent.
Let’s talk about that “17 JEWELS SHOCK PROOF” text—because nothing says “I’m trying to sound fancy” like slapping unnecessary words on the dial. Shock-proof? Yeah, sure, if the biggest shock it’s facing is being rejected by a pawn shop. The hands are so mismatched they look like they were swapped in by a blindfolded watchmaker, and that second hand is desperately clinging to relevancy like a washed-up actor trying to land a comeback role.
And that strap… oh my. That’s not leather; that’s “leather-like” in the same way gas station sunglasses are “designer.” It’s creased and cracked like it’s seen more disappointments than a middle-aged man staring at his retirement fund.
This watch isn’t vintage—it’s just old, in the same way an expired can of beans is “aged.” The fact that it’s still running is either a miracle or a cry for help.
AI was hier wel echt op oorlogspad 
Was in mijn prompt…don’t hold back 
